Murder and Domestic Violence

On April 28, 2013, Patricia Waschbisch was murdered in her home.  In light of the shock, horror and confuion about how someone who worked in the domestic violence field could herself allegedly be a victim of domestic violence murder, we are posting a statement from Rainbow House Domestic Violence Services to our blog.  We know that at times we get a picture in our heads about what a victim should be.  A victim can look like anyone.

With the release of more information about the murder of our leader,
Trish Waschbisch, many are asking how a domestic violence victim
advocate could herself be a victim of domestic violence. To those questions, Rainbow House provides this response.

Part of the tragedy of domestic violence homicide is that it leaves so
many questions unanswered. As much as we would like to hear from
Trish, to know what she was going through, to better understand this
horrible act, we never will.

Therefore, to honor Trish’s memory and legacy, we should focus our
attention and the conversation about her death on what we do know.

First, domestic violence never happens because of something the victim
did or didn’t do. To imply anything to the contrary is unjust to the
victim and minimizes the responsibility of the offender.

Second, domestic violence can happen to anyone. We should never think
someone is immune. Although it is understandable, we should not be
shocked that domestic violence is perpetrated against an advocate or a
police officer or a community leader. We should not be shocked because
domestic violence is not something the victim controls.

Third, we should not be shocked that an advocate was a victim because
domestic violence is solely the choice and responsibility of the offender. What should be truly shocking is that Brent Kaempf allegedly took Trish’s life. We should never become so desensitized to the perpetration of domestic violence that we lose sight of the perpetrator’s role and sole responsibility. We should be shocked that a man who attended domestic violence victim fundraisers, who knew what domestic violence was all about because of his partner’s work, would allegedly himself commit a domestic violence homicide.  It is shocking and despicable.

We believe Trish would want us to create greater awareness about
domestic violence, to break down the misconception that domestic
violence can’t happen to certain people and to refocus the conversation from what we think the victim should have done to the what the perpetrator actually did do. We ask everyone to join us in this effort.

IT’S TIME TO TALK ABOUT IT

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.  Chances are you  or someone you know has been a victim of sexual assault.  (Some facts regarding sexual violence are presented in the April 2012 post.)  Each of us has an obligation to be aware and do what we are able to do to stop sexual violence.

WHAT IS SEXUAL VIOLENCE?

Sexual violence is a broad term and includes rape, incest, child sexual abuse, intimate partner violence, sexual exploitation, human trafficking, unwanted sexual contact, sexual harassment, exposure, and voyeurism.

Sexual violence occurs when someone is forced or manipulated into unwanted sexual activity without their consent. Reasons someone might not consent include fear, age, illness, disability, and/or influence of alcohol or other drugs. Anyone can experience sexual violence, including children, teens, adults, and elders.

These crimes are widespread and occur daily in our communities, schools, and workplaces, but sexual violence can be prevented. Community members can work to prevent sexual violence by establishing healthy and positive relationships that are based on respect, safety, and equality.

While some forms of sexual violence may not be illegal, such as sexist jokes, catcalling or vulgar gestures, this does not make them any less threatening or harmful to the person victimized. All these behaviors contribute to a culture that accepts sexual violence. Bystanders can speak up when they witness these actions to foster healthy sexuality and safer communities. Many opportunities exist in daily life where society can prevent behaviors that promote sexual violence.

WHAT IS AN ENGAGED BYSTANDER?

An engaged bystander is someone who intervenes before, during, or after a situation when they see or hear behaviors that promote sexual violence. It is common for people to witness situations where someone makes an inappropriate sexual comment or innuendo, tells a rape joke, or touches someone in a sexual manner. Bystanders might also witness other forms of sexual violence. Bystanders who witness the behavior or hear the comment can intervene in a way that will help create a safer environment. Research has shown that bystander programs can produce positive results by increasing participants’ knowledge of sexual violence, decreasing participants’ acceptance of rape myths, and increasing the likelihood that they will intervene (Banyard, Moynihan, & Plante, 2007). Engaged bystanders help create healthy communities and help others build safe and respectful environments by discouraging victim blaming, changing social norms that accept sexual violence, and shifting the responsibility to prevent sexual violence to all community members (Tabachnick, 2009).

WHEN AND HOW TO INTERVENE

Every situation is different and there is no universal response when intervening to prevent sexual violence. Safety is key in deciding when and how to respond to sexual violence. Every person must decide for themselves the safest and most meaningful way to become an engaged bystander. The following are ideas on how one can maintain safety while being an engaged bystander:

• If you witness sexual violence, get support from people around you. You do not have to act alone.

• Practice with family and friends about what you would say and how you would say it.

• When intervening, be respectful, direct, and honest.
• Contact your local sexual assault center to see if they offer resources or training on bystander intervention. Visit http://www.nsvrc.org/organizations/state-andterritory-coalitions for coalition contact information.

• If you hear or see something and do not feel safe, contact the police.  (never put yourself in danger)

Portions of this message come from a publication from the National Sexual Violence Resource Center.

CARING HOUSE EVENTS:

• April 24th, 2013–Denim Day

Please show your support of efforts all over the world to join in this nationwide campaign to bring awareness to the issue of sexual violence.  Wear your denim this day.

• April 30th, 2013–Noon–Open House

Join us at the Caring House to socialize and support Sexual Awareness Month.  There will be a small art display created by people who have been impacted by sexual assault.

• April 30th, 2013–5 PM–Candlelight Vigil

A short candlelight vigil will be held to honor victims of sexual violence.  Please come to support the many victims in our community.

Caring House 2013 Mystery Theater Dinner

Presenting

“The 9th Annual Tonylou Awards”

March 8th, 9th, 10th

Encore in Florence

Friday and Saturday $35.00

Cocktails at 5:00 pm

Dinner at 6:00 pm

Awards Show at 7:00 pm

Sunday Matinee $20.00

Cake and Coffee at 2:00 pm

Awards Show at 2:30 pm

Red carpet attire suggested but not necessary

Tickets available at Caring House, Julia Rose Creation, Econo Foods and Steamin’ Joes

For more information call 906-774-1337

Walk the red carpet and join us for a time of mystery and fun.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH 2012

As you may know, Domestic Violence is a serious issue.  It’s complicated because it involves families and their personal lives, lives many of us thing are “their business”.  Unfortunately, their business affects most of us in some way.  That child who is bullying your child may be watching their mother get beaten by their father.  I guarantee your children are going to school with children who live daily with the fear that their parent, usually a mother, is going to be hurt or killed.  Many of those children are themselves being abused.  The sweet woman who clerks at your favorite grocery store may be afraid to go home, she may have someone checking up on her at all times to make sure she’s where she is supposed to be, or she may not be there tomorrow because she’s dead.

We may thing of domestic violence victims as “one of those people”.  Maybe we categorize them as drug addicts, alcoholics, welfare recipients, etc.  Guess what, a victim could also be your next door neighbor, your sister, the doctor’s wife or your favorite librarian.  You can’t tell a victim by looking at them much of the time.  Yes, they may have bruises.  Then again, you may not be able to see those bruises.  They may be hidden by clothing.  They may be hidden in their hearts.

Possibly you are thinking that they should just leave.  That too is complicated.  There are dozens of reasons domestic violence victims don’t leave.  They may be afraid to, not have any money or are afraid of losing their children.  More than likely, they love their abuser and think and hope that this time when he tells them he will change, he will.  They may not know where to go or who to turn to.

We don’t expect you to jump into the middle of an abusive episode.  That would be foolish on your part.  We would like you to become more aware.  If you see or hear something suspicious, we would like you to call the police.  Yes, it might be nothing, but then again someone might be in real danger.  We hope you will support us so we can help the victims become survivors.

This month we have several activities planned for Domestic Violence Awareness.  We would be so pleased to have you join us in one or all of these events.

• October 2, 2012

8:15 AM Cross Dedication in memory of victims who have lost their lives.                                                                                                                     First Covenant Church, 125 H Street, Iron Mountain, MI

• October 25, 2012

5-8 PM Celebrity Waiter’s Dinner                                                                                                                                                                                                     An evening of fun for the whole family…prizes, raffles, silent auctions, entertainment                                                                                              $6 per person with children 5 and under admitted free                                                                                                                                                          Location to be announced.  Call 906-774-1337 for more information.

• October 30, 2012

12 Noon- “Honk Your Horns” to break the silence of domestic violence.                                                                                                                         Bring your car to the Dickinson County Sheriff’s office to participate in a noisy procession to the Caring House.                                                                     Open House to follow at the Caring House with refreshments served.

CHILDREN AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Domestic violence takes many forms:  physical, mental, emotional, financial, sexual, etc.   One thing all these forms have in common is that they affect not only the abused partner but also the children.  Domestic violence is sometimes called “Family Violence” .  Children who witness acts of violence are at much greater risk of emotional and behavioral problems than other children.  Estimates indicate there are over 4 million children exposed to physical and verbal partner abuse each year in the U.S.  Exposure means seeing or hearing the actual abuse or dealing with the aftermath of the abuse.  It should also be noted that children in these families are also at much greater risk of being abused themselves.

The effects on children in families with domestic violence can be short-term or/and long-term.  It is a traumatic and terrifying experience for children.   Some of the short and long-term effects are listed here.  Children will react in different ways.   Some children are extremely resilient while others show severe signs of stress.

Short Term Effects

• Nightmares or trouble sleeping
• Illnesses caused by stress such as headaches, stomach problems, flu and asthma
• Bed-wetting
• Aggressive or destructive behavior
• Cruelty to animals
• Becoming increasingly anxious or fearful
• Social withdrawal
• Blaming themselves for the abuse
• Poor school performance

Long Term Effects

• Allowing future victimization of themselves
• Drug and alcohol dependence 
• Behaving in abusive ways in adult relationships
• Depression
• Obesity
• Teenage pregnancy
• Low self-esteem
• Post traumatic stress disorder

Some ways to help a child victim of domestic abuse are:  reassure the child that the incidents are not their fault, obtain counseling for all family victims, show them love, protect them by moving them to a place of safety,  and be a good role model.  

Seeking help to take action against the abuse shows your child that it is not acceptable to treat people in that manner or be treated that way.

Do you need guidance?  Call your local shelter/domestic violence agency.

 

Sexual Assault Awareness Month Activities

April is Sexual Assault Awareness month.  Caring House has some activities planned that we would love to have you join us for.

April 24th, 2012 Candlelight Vigil in Support of Victims

5PM at Caring House

There will be a short ceremony including prayer, lighting the candles, and music by Liz Young.

April 25th all day wherever you are.

Denim Day

This day was set aside in rememberance and support of sexual assault victims.  In Italy a few years ago a judge ruled the perpetrator in a sexual assault innocent.  He stated that the young woman sexually assualted by her drivers education teacher was not assaulted because her jeans were tight and she would have had to help the rapist get them off.  The ruling caused an uproar in Italy and the people demonstrated by wearing jeans on a certain day.  This public outcry was first taken up in California and has since spread throughout the United States.  Please check with your employers and ask for their support by allowing employees to wear jeans that day. 

WEAR THOSE JEANS PLEASE!!!

 

2012 MYSTERY THEATER DINNER

“DARLING, YOU SLAY ME”  will be the 2012 Mystery Theater Dinner.  The production will take place April 13th and April 14th, 2012 at the Encore on Main in Florence, WI.  

Cocktails 5:30 to 6:30

Performance begins at 6:30

Buffett Dinner

Tickets are $30 per person

Tickets are availabe at the following outlets:  Caring House, 1st National Bank & Trust of Iron Mountain,  Dickinson Area Partnership, Barb’s Cafe in Florence, and 1st National Bank of Crystal Falls.

Please join your friends and family for a Roaring 20′s evening of great entertainment, food and fun.  Every year this event is filled with surprises and excitement.  Prizes awarded for best dressed matching the theme (you aren’t required to come in costume) and for best detective.  This year’s event will not disappoint you!

For further information please  call

906-774-1337 between 8AM and 4PM Monday through Friday

2011 CELEBRITY WAITER’S SPAGHETTI DINNER FUNDRAISER

YAHOO!!!!!  It’s that time of year….time for our biggest fun, fundraiser event.  Please join us for great food, laughs and laughs, music, entertainment and more.  Come and challenge  your favorite “celebrity” waiter to perform for tips.  We will have door prizes, raffles and silent auctions.  Some of the items we have this year are a recliner, dishwasher, bicycle, tools, t-shirts, bird feeder, gift certificates for hotel stays, oil changes, fitness memberships, beauty treatments and more, more, more. 

The date for the big event is Tuesday October 25th from 5 to 8 PM at the Kingsford High School.  Price is $6 with children 5 and under free.  You won’t be sorry you attended.  On a serious note, the grants Caring House has been receiving have been cut dramatically.  Fundraisers and donations from people and businesses in the area may be what keeps the shelter from being closed.  Please help if you can.

WHAT IS ABUSE?

You know what abuse is, right?  It’s hitting, punching, slapping, biting, beating, pushing, kicking or shaking.

But that’s not all.  If your partner calls you awful names, threatens you, humiliates you in public, or continually criticizes you, then that is abuse.  If your partner throws things at you, forces to do anything sexual that you don’t want to, won’t let you get proper medical care, destroys your property or won’t let you seek work, that’s abuse.  If your partner controls you financially, isolates you from people who are important to you, locks you out of or in your house, follows and spies on you, that’s abuse.

All abuse leaves scars, sometimes physical, sometimes mental and sometimes both.  All abuse forces you to live in fear.  

We at Caring House are not here to make you leave your partner.  We are here to give you tools to use in your life to help you make the decisions that are right for you, not for us, and not for your friends.  Our services are free and confidential.  If you just want to talk, we are here.  Give us a call.

OCTOBER-DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH

October is officially Domestic Violence Awareness month.  Caring House tries very hard to use this month to bring attention to the growing problem of  domestic violence in our community.  Every year the number of cases we see increases.   We need your help—we need you to be aware and report abuse—we need you to help us financially if you are able, we need you to volunteer your time.  Last year we provided services to over 400 individuals and provided over 3000 bednights in our shelter.  These are families afraid to go home or possibly afraid to leave even if they are in danger.  We do not promote divorce, we educate individuals so they can make wise decisions based on their situation.  We provide information these people can use to help themselves.  We guide them to other agencies if that is what is needed. 

   EVENTS THIS MONTH:

   MONDAY OCTOBER 18TH:   

   BREAK THE SILENCE, STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE                                                                                                                                              

  We have arranged an event at noon on October 18th, 2010.  A procession composed of law enforcement department vehicles and concerned citizens vehicles will leave the Dickinson County Sheriff’s Department led by a Sheriff ‘s department vehicle.  The procession will end at Caring House.  Lights will be flashing, horns will be blaring and hopefully church bells will be ringing.  We ask you to join us in the procession if you would like and even if you are not able to do that,  please blast those horns at noon.  Make some noise to show your support of an end to domestic violence in our community.

THURSDAY OCTOBER 28, 2010  

 CELEBRITY WAITERS DINNER & SILENT AUCTION

 Come and join us for a yummy spaghetti dinner with all the trimmings.  It will be from 5 PM to 8PM at the Kingsford High School Cafeteria.  Adults $5.00, ages 5-12 $3.00,  under 5 free.  This will be a fun family night.  There will be door prizes, raffles, a 50/50 raffle, a children’s poster contest.    Some of the Silent Auction items include hotel stays, tools, jewelry, and gift certificates.  Come as you are or dress up in your most amazing Halloween costume.  Let our “celebrities” entertain you  with their quick wit, amazing voices and smooth moves as they compete to earn your tips.